Indian fathers are a very strange brand of human being. They teach their sons everything from walking to fixing a car, but they are not too syrupy when dealing with us! They have their own rules – be it for studies or night-outs, their own ideologies, unke zamane se, which they conveniently hurl our way.
There are some things only our beloved Pappa can say, and no one else.
1) Aage ka kya socha hai?
You may graduate with a gold medal or come home after failing a test (Baapre!), the one inevitable question we are sure to be asked is – aage ka kya socha hai? Our fathers consider discussing future prospects to be much more important than our mothers consider food. And once you are asked this one, dreaded question, rest assured that we will be, without any doubt, subjected to an hour-long lecture on career, future, wedding, kids, which, also inevitably, ends with – “jab tu baap banega tab samjhega”.
2) Hamare Zamaane Mein…
Once in a while, father dear would sit back and launch into the glorious tales of his boyhood – “hamare zamaane me…” and then proceed to say things along the lines of – “teri umar me meri shaadi ho gayi thi aur main pura ghar chalata tha”. And things like – “jitni facilities maine tujhe di hai, utni agar humare Papa ne hume di hoti, toh main University top karta”.
Haanji Papa, aur karo khud ki tareef.
3) Never ask for a new bike. Or a new phone. Or a new.. anything.
Do this once: ask your Daddy for a new bike. This is how the conversation will go:
Son: “Pappa, I need a new bike.”
Dad: *terrible moment of silence* “Main 6 saal se ek hi scooter chala raha hoon, lad sahab ko harr saal nayi chahiye.”
And then begins the long rant of about your poor driving skills and your unnecessary expenses, and always ends with a well-sounded warning to study well.
4) “Mera beta engineer/doctor banega.”
5) Sharmaji kya kahenge!?
Sharmaji ke bete ko 99 aaye! Tujhe kyun 98 aaye!
6) Abhi toh diye itne paise!? Kahaan gaye? Paise kya ped pe ugte hain!?
But then he says – aakhir main kamaata kiske liye hoon?
Talk about contradicting one’s one statements.
7) The Pappa Constitution:
“Teri koi complain nahi aani chahiye” – that is the preamble.
Then the various articles go on and put a full stop to everything that says F-U-N.
And then – “koi ladki-wadki, cigarette-wigarette ka maamla nahi chahiye. Samjhe?”
Case closed!
8) Ever heard me talk to your mother like this?
When you raise your voice at your mother: “Have you ever heard me talking like this to your mother!? Sharam nahi aati!?”
Don’t ever try to answer that.
9) Sigh.
If you score well in your exams – “arre aakhir beta kiska hai?”
Score bad – “nalayak! Sab tere dosto ke wajah se hai!”
Ah, the fault in our pals.
But despite all this, we know how much our fathers love us. So when he gets you all those things you wanted, make sure you go up to him and give him a tight hug and say thank you! You might be greeted with a grunt, but you know that, no matter what, deep, very, very deep down, he loves you.
Aakhir Papa kiske hain!
Note: Make sure your father does not catch you reading this. Unless you really want to listen to his signature line again: “padhai par dhyaan de!”
